Yucky since 2006?

It’s been a while since I wrote about my so-called love life. Hah.

Recently, I met a bloke whom I really like. Unfortunately, he does not like me back. We get on well, enjoy each other’s company etc, but he seems (no, he definitely is) lukewarm about me. While I don’t mind being upfront about what I want, and I don’t mind making the first move, it began to feel like whatever we had between us only existed because I wanted it to. He probably doesn’t dislike my company, may even like it. However, I’m obviously not floating his boat enough for him to be more than a passive participant in our ‘relationship’.

What relationship?

The last time I saw him, we spent about five hours chatting. After that he texted to say he’d had a great time, but then he stopped contacting me as often as he had done before. I did ask him about it, and he said he was busy, clearing work before the Raya break. Then Raya happened. Still nothing. Then the World Cup started. Even more nothing.

Really, I should just accept the fact that I have been well and truly friend zoned. We still chat, if I initiate it, but yeah, only if initiate it. It’s depressing. How could he not be absolutely over the moon that I fancy him? How could he not like me back?

Hah. Enough already. I am not going to think about it anymore. I have already wasted (too) many minutes being grumpy over him, and really, I should not have even written this post, right? Why all these words written about someone who does not deem me worthy of his time?

The thing is, there are so many annoying, sleazy, sexist bastards out there, that meeting this guy really was such a relief. Last week, I had four bad dates in a row and I was thinking that I needed to continue going out to meet guys until I met a decent one because if not I would be doomed forever. Crazy but true.

I am thinking though that I need to take a break from dating, from men. It’s been nothing but bad news so what am I doing continuing to put myself through all the shit? Seriously, I would be telling a girlfriend to stop it already if I saw her being me. No one needs this amount of yuck in their life. And, thinking about it, has the yuck been happening right from 2013? Was Don also part of it? And how about the final years of my marriage? Has my love life actually sucked since 2006?

I need a vacation.



All Shook Up

Insecure Season 2 is really pushing all my buttons, in all kinds of ways. This post is me unpacking what’s happened in the series, trying to make sense of how all the characters are behaving. I’m taking this series very seriously because my heart hurts when I watch it. But in a good way.

If you haven’t watched the series or the current season (2), there are lots of spoilers after this para.Read More »


  • Do not have sex with your friends. No matter how lonely you feel.
  • Do not think someone is your friend just because they say they are.
  • Do not allow yourself to feel comforted if a man texts you often and is keen on meeting you. (Chances are you haven’t slept with him and are still a novelty.)
  • Do not be surprised if a man stops texting and wanting to meet after he’s slept with you.
  • Do not be impressed if a man continues to text you after he’s slept with you. Especially if he texts less than he used to before the sex.
  • Do not expect any man with whom you’re having casual sex to take you seriously when you say you are busy because of family and work commitments.
  • Do not choose to give someone you’ve known for ‘five minutes’ the benefit of doubt. There is a 99.99% chance that you will be disappointed.
  • Do not assume that you will know these things just because you’re over forty and a mother.


No One

You like your own company but every now and then you’d like to laugh at a joke that isn’t your own; listen to another person’s opinion (that is not an Fb post or a tweet); connect with someone you know, even if it’s through WhatsApp.

It has come to the point where you are willing to barter yourself for some conversation, some company: A kiss for a smile; a blow job for his views on Brexit; a fuck for the story of his childhood. But people are not kind. You should know this by now, but you still hope for the best, or are fooled, or fool yourself. In the end, please try to remember that no one cares how you feel.



Ordinary People

So, as I was saying in my previous post, I finally finished watching the first season of Insecure, the HBO series starring Issa Rae and Yvonne Orji.

I don’t watch much telly and don’t keep up, so I had not heard of the show. I happened upon it when googling about Nigeria: one link led to another and I suddenly found myself watching a recording of a radio interview with Yvonne Orji.

Orji is my partner Don’s surname and in the interview the radio host remarks on how it sounds like Orgy, something I’ve always laughed about.

Anyway, I looked up Insecure immediately after that, started watching the series, and binged on Season 1’s final three episodes today.

OK, if you haven’t yet watched the series and intend to, there will probably be spoilers after the ‘read more’ tag.Read More »