All Shook Up

Insecure Season 2 is really pushing all my buttons, in all kinds of ways. This post is me unpacking what’s happened in the series, trying to make sense of how all the characters are behaving. I’m taking this series very seriously because my heart hurts when I watch it. But in a good way.

If you haven’t watched the series or the current season (2), there are lots of spoilers after this para.Read More »

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Don’t

  • Do not have sex with your friends. No matter how lonely you feel.
  • Do not think someone is your friend just because they say they are.
  • Do not allow yourself to feel comforted if a man texts you often and is keen on meeting you. (Chances are you haven’t slept with him and are still a novelty.)
  • Do not be surprised if a man stops texting and wanting to meet after he’s slept with you.
  • Do not be impressed if a man continues to text you after he’s slept with you. Especially if he texts less than he used to before the sex.
  • Do not expect any man with whom you’re having casual sex to take you seriously when you say you are busy because of family and work commitments.
  • Do not choose to give someone you’ve known for ‘five minutes’ the benefit of doubt. There is a 99.99% chance that you will be disappointed.
  • Do not assume that you will know these things just because you’re over forty and a mother.

 

No One

You like your own company but every now and then you’d like to laugh at a joke that isn’t your own; listen to another person’s opinion (that is not an Fb post or a tweet); connect with someone you know, even if it’s through WhatsApp.

It has come to the point where you are willing to barter yourself for some conversation, some company: A kiss for a smile; a blow job for his views on Brexit; a fuck for the story of his childhood. But people are not kind. You should know this by now, but you still hope for the best, or are fooled, or fool yourself. In the end, please try to remember that no one cares how you feel.

 

 

Ordinary People

So, as I was saying in my previous post, I finally finished watching the first season of Insecure, the HBO series starring Issa Rae and Yvonne Orji.

I don’t watch much telly and don’t keep up, so I had not heard of the show. I happened upon it when googling about Nigeria: one link led to another and I suddenly found myself watching a recording of a radio interview with Yvonne Orji.

Orji is my partner Don’s surname and in the interview the radio host remarks on how it sounds like Orgy, something I’ve always laughed about.

Anyway, I looked up Insecure immediately after that, started watching the series, and binged on Season 1’s final three episodes today.

OK, if you haven’t yet watched the series and intend to, there will probably be spoilers after the ‘read more’ tag.Read More »

I Knew a Woman by Theodore Roethke

I Knew a Woman

 I knew a woman, lovely in her bones,

When small birds sighed, she would sigh back at them;
Ah, when she moved, she moved more ways than one:
The shapes a bright container can contain!
Of her choice virtues only gods should speak,
Or English poets who grew up on Greek
(I’d have them sing in chorus, cheek to cheek).
How well her wishes went! She stroked my chin,
She taught me Turn, and Counter-turn, and Stand;
She taught me Touch, that undulant white skin;
I nibbled meekly from her proffered hand;
She was the sickle; I, poor I, the rake,
Coming behind her for her pretty sake
(But what prodigious mowing we did make).
Love likes a gander, and adores a goose:
Her full lips pursed, the errant note to seize;
She played it quick, she played it light and loose;
My eyes, they dazzled at her flowing knees;
Her several parts could keep a pure repose,
Or one hip quiver with a mobile nose
(She moved in circles, and those circles moved).
Let seed be grass, and grass turn into hay:
I’m martyr to a motion not my own;
What’s freedom for? To know eternity.
I swear she cast a shadow white as stone.
But who would count eternity in days?
These old bones live to learn her wanton ways:
(I measure time by how a body sways).
~ Theodore Roethke (1908-1963)