Siaran Tergendala Sebentar

tergendala

I have been distracted by various things and not been updating this blog.

It is mostly good though. I am actually writing stories and finishing them. Is it too optimistic to aim to complete my collection at the end of July? Perhaps, but that’s my goal anyway. Even if I don’t meet it, it motivates me to keep on at it.

I will try to pop back here every now and then, if only to post music I’m listening to.

In the meantime, here’s a short list of stuff that has happened:

  1. Found out about Leonora Carrington and am now reading her short stories. Weird and wonderful!
  2. Bought The Wolf at the Door by J. Damask who is my friend Joyce Chng. I am enjoying it so much.
  3. I am reviewing Lang Leav’s Sad Girls. I hope it doesn’t have the same effect on me as her poems do.
  4. Will be reviewing Felicia Yap’s book. She is that Malaysian author who was signed by Random House (I think) and paid a mind-bogglingly huge advance.
  5. I joined Tinder, specifying that I wasn’t interested in hooking up or looking for a romantic relationship. Met a couple of interesting people (of both sexes), but also two complete fuckwits. I have deleted my account.
  6. Met a farrier from Sweden whom I call the Neighsayer. He is black and has a weird accent that’s a mix of English, Australian and others that I can’t identify – from learning English while travelling. A nice, unsleazy guy whom I can hang out with and not have to beat off with my umbrella.
  7. Don and I are still together and he is still the love of my life.

That’s all I can think of. Until next time …

Heart Strings Like a Symphony

It was only when I found out that ex-husband was in love with someone else that I realised that it had been years since I’d felt anything but platonic affection for him. I guess I was too caught up with the kids, and my job, and also my depression.

I was devastated when my marriage ended, but not because I felt I was losing the great love of my life. It was because of the way things unravelled. Things got ugly and everyone behaved badly. So badly.

Who would have predicted it? Things happen. People change. Love (whether we’re falling into or out of it) makes fools and monsters out of most of us.

If only someone would warn us, but then, if they did, would we believe them?

Read More »

A Street In a Strange World

You Can Call Me Al

A man walks down the street
He says, “Why am I soft in the middle now?
Why am I soft in the middle?
The rest of my life is so hard
I need a photo opportunity
I want a shot at redemption
Don’t want to end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard”
Bonedigger, bonedigger
Dogs in the moonlight
Far away my well-lit door
Mr. Beerbelly, Beerbelly
Get these mutts away from me
You know I don’t find this stuff
Amusing anymore

If you’ll be my bodyguard
I can be your long-lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me
You can call me Al

A man walks down the street
He says, “Why am I short of attention?
Got a short little span of attention
And, woe my nights are so long
Where’s my wife and family?
What if I die here?
Who’ll be my role model
Now that my role model is
Gone gone?”
He ducked back down the alley
With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl
All along along
There were incidents and accidents
There were hints and allegations

If you’ll be my bodyguard
I can be your long-lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me
You can call me Al
Call me Al

A man walks down the street
It’s a street in a strange world
Maybe it’s the third world
Maybe it’s his first time around
He doesn’t speak the language
He holds no currency
He is a foreign man
He is surrounded by the sound, the sound
Cattle in the marketplace
Scatterlings and orphanages

He looks around, around
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning in infinity
He says, “Amen!” and “Hallelujah!”

If you’ll be my bodyguard
I can be your long-lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me
You can call me Al
Call me

Na na na na …

If you’ll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty

© 1986 Words and Music by Paul SimonRead More »

Like Holy Wine

A Case of You

Just before our love got lost you said
“I am as constant as a northern star”
And I said “Constantly in the darkness
Where’s that at?
If you want me I’ll be in the bar”

On the back of a cartoon coaster
In the blue TV screen light
I drew a map of Canada
Oh Canada
With your face sketched on it twice
Oh you’re in my blood like holy wine
You taste so bitter and so sweet

Oh I could drink a case of you darling
Still I’d be on my feet
oh I would still be on my feet

Oh I am a lonely painter
I live in a box of paints
I’m frightened by the devil
And I’m drawn to those ones that ain’t afraid

I remember that time you told me you said
“Love is touching souls”
Surely you touched mine
‘Cause part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time
Oh, you’re in my blood like holy wine
You taste so bitter and so sweet

Oh I could drink a case of you darling
And I would still be on my feet
I would still be on my feet

I met a woman
She had a mouth like yours
She knew your life
She knew your devils and your deeds
And she said
“Go to him, stay with him if you can
But be prepared to bleed”

Oh but you are in my blood
You’re my holy wine
You’re so bitter, bitter and so sweet

Oh, I could drink a case of you darling
Still I’d be on my feet
I would still be on my feet

© 1970; Joni Mitchell

From BlueRead More »

It Ain’t Over Til It’s Over …

… as the mediocre lyricist Lenny Kravitz once said.

I will be fifty tomorrow. My mother died when she was fifty six. If I were to follow suit, I have six years to make my mark or erase it. I have done both, simultaneously, for as long as I can remember.

I dreamt of a fresh start this year. It should have begun by now. But here I go again, feeling sorry for myself, wringing my hands and imagining the worst.

Has the worst already happen? Is it to come? Is it happening right now? Who can tell? In twenty years, if someone chooses to remember this time, if someone tells this story, they will be in a better position to judge. Perhaps the phone will ring tonight, and there will be good news. Perhaps we will overcome. Perhaps we will choose to have an adventure instead of believe we are doomed. People face and survive worse. Evey day.

So stop. Just stop.