Everything good will come

I was writing my impressions of Sefi Atta’s Everything Good Will Come when I realised that the way I felt about a decision made by her protagonist said a lot about the way I’ve been living my life.

If you intend to read the book and are bothered about spoilers, don’t continue reading this post.Read More »

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Getting Nekkid

I love the answer to this query on Ukpuru, a multi-platform site that showcases ‘historical images of the Igbo, their neighbours and beyond’:

igbonudity

I am somewhat reminded of the stares we used to get when my daughter and I would go swimming and she would be topless. She was a baby (a few months old) and continued to swim topless until she was about two. I didn’t (don’t)think it was a big deal, but others at the pool would stare and sometimes ask why she wasn’t wearing a suit. They would laugh like it was funny, but why would anyone ask why a baby isn’t wearing a suit at the pool? If it was a matter of hygiene, well she always had bottoms on.

I used to say, ‘Why should she?’ and I can’t remember what responses that got, if any. I can’t imagine anyone ever gave me an intelligent or even interesting reason why a small child should dress ‘modestly’ at the pool. And I’m pretty sure modesty was uppermost in the minds of these morons.

I like the bit in the above response about there not being a ‘sexualised/moralistic view of the nude human body’in Igbo society before they were ‘civilised’ by the white man (ohhhh, vomit). What the white man and Christianity did do was put an end to the sensible way nudity was regarded and practised. ‘Save your souls! Put on a pair of knickers!’

Aside from on Tumblr (linked above), you can find Ukpuru on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.

 

 

 

Bastard Alert!

Two to four years ago, I tried out different online dating sites including OK Cupid, Match.com and Adult Friend Finder. I stupidly gave my number to a few people I met on the site, but apart from the Sociopath from the Cesspit of Hell (Fouad Alaa Abdelkarim) I never actually met up with anyone I connected with online.

Last night, I received a whatsapp message from one of the ‘creatures’, whom I have named ‘Dick’. The following screenshots show the conversation we had. This is a public service anouncement: Avoid this fucktard like the plague.Read More »

Your ignorance isn’t welcome here

I met a young man just the other day, an acquaintance of a friend. He (I’ll call him Mr A) comes from a wealthy family, attended university in Boston, USA. My friend describes him as privileged and obnoxious and I agree with her. He is a cocky bastard and did not endear himself to me when he, almost as soon as we met, made what I consider to be a remark that betrayed his racism and ignorance.Read More »

Love me, love my roast pork

politicsSiew Yoke 3

Why do Muslim men try to get into your pants,

send you dick pics and

ask to see your breasts

But recoil when you offer them a bacon sandwich?

Is eating swine flesh the ultimate sin,

worse than fornication, worse than corruption and

manipulation of the innocent,

worse than gambling and intoxication?

Once those streaks of greasy bliss pass your lips

are you beyond hope,

are those virgins lost forevermore?

Do not tell me you pray and fast and give alms.

If you want me, pass this test first:

Eat the pork chop, bak kut teh, siew yoke fan.

Your hypocrisy is not a turn on.