I will never forget how people I’ve only known online (and some of them for not very long) have been so lovely, especially during my recent plunge into total despair.

Then there are family members who’ve not been able to spare a single kind word. Even with me telling them exactly what’s wrong and asking for help.

I once had to attend this workshop run by a self-help coach and he said that the good thing about being in trouble is that it forces you to ask for help. Apparently, asking for help (which we tend to find hard) leads to you realising how awesome people are – cos they will all rush to try to assist you. Yeah, people, but not family members. One family member has tried to help me and she’s the one who is really not in the position to do so. That seems to be quite a common thing – the ones who can be of assistance don’t want to know, but the ones who are struggling try their best. Gah!

Should I not judge? I don’t care. I’m going to totally do so, cos, honestly, I’m disappointed. So disappointed.

Sunday Lunch


grace helmer

By Grace Helmer

How lovely to sit eating and drinking with friends on a mild-weathered Sunday. I will be meeting Marisa for lunch today. I hope it will be a good day for both of us.

No Friends

I’ve just seen my friend Senthil. He lives in Singapore (he’s Malaysian), but is in KL for work meetings. I Miss him. If only he lived here. When we first met, back in 2007, he was here but he moved soon after. I think he’s the only friend I’ve made after turning forty whom I feel about the same as the ones I made in my teens or twenties. The sort I can take for granted and who take me for granted too, but in the best possible way.

I don’t feel like that about anyone in KL and I am no one’s go-to friend here. There isn’t a single person in this city who thinks of me as the first person to call when they are  happy or sad or angry or confused; or when they want to watch a movie or have a coffee or check out a new play. I don’t hang out doing nothing with anyone here. I am no one’s default person and no one is mine.

Is fifty too late to make that sort of friend? Maybe that’s why having a partner is important to me. Was important to me. I can’t rely on that anymore. I won’t. It’s a mistake to depend on a lover, even one supposedly bound to you legally, to safeguard your emotional well being.