R-E-S-P-E-C-T

respect
Back [l to r]: Kelli; Derek; Tiffany; Issa’s brother; Issa; Sweetie (Kelli’s date); Smug-as-Shit Aparna; random friend of Derek. Front [r to l]: Random friend’s partner; Dro the Cheating Scoundrel; Candice, the Cheater’s wife; Molly; Lawrence. — This photo is property of HBO
What kind of disrespectful arsehole takes his current girlfriend to the birthday party of a friend he got to know through his ex, knowing his ex will be there? A fuckboy, that’s what kind of arsehole. And a fuckboy who thinks he’s a nice guy. Tasha was sooooo right.

So, I watched the penultimate episode (‘Hella Disrespectful’) of the second season of Insecure early this morning and, after also watching the finale teaser, I have no idea what to expect next.

It seems like Issa and Lawrence aren’t thinking straight and I admit that I’m half hoping that the reason for this is that they still love one another and need to sort things out and get back together. I’m torn about this.

I started the season really wanting them to be a couple again, but as the episodes went by, I started disliking Lawrence and thinking he’s not right for Issa. I also started liking Daniel more and more. And I still think Issa is being silly about what happened between them in Episode 6.

‘He embarrassed me,’ she whines to Molly, who also over-reacts, although perhaps not, as we don’t get to hear exactly what Issa has told her.

I’d actually like to know how Issa (mis)read the incident. When Daniel says, ‘So now we’re even’ she over-reacts once again. I think he meant, ‘So now we’ve both done things we shouldn’t be proud of’, but she reads it as ‘What I did was payback.’ Has she forgotten that she callously told him that he was an itch she needed to scratch? Why isn’t Episode 7 called ‘Hella Self-righteous’?

One explanation for Issa misunderstanding Daniel; and for Lawrence’s bad decision to take Aparna to Derek’s birthday party; for the nasty things they say to one another; and, finally, for Issa thrashing her flat, is that they have both reached breaking point. Whether or not this means they are still in love and will decide to reunite is anyone’s guess.

mud
This photo is the property of HBO

It could be that they just needed to get those nasty words out; that Lawrence (consciously or otherwise) needed to hurt Issa as much as he’d been hurt by her; that Issa needs some time to rest and recover, without the distractions of a hoetation; Lawrence ditto.

The teaser indicates that Lawrence will visit Issa. Maybe it’s to make up. Maybe it’s just to be human, apologise, admit the part he played in the breakdown and breakup of their relationship, and then move on … hopefully without Aparna. I don’t like the girl. She seems smug to me. (Also, why would she go to that party knowing Lawrence’s ex would be there. That girl is either stupid, or she’s looking for trouble.)

Molly … I hope she sticks to her decision to stop seeing Dro. No way is he in an open marriage, that lying ass sonofabitch.

I can’t wait for Sunday and the finale, but of course I’m also dreading life without Insecure.

 

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All Shook Up

Insecure Season 2 is really pushing all my buttons, in all kinds of ways. This post is me unpacking what’s happened in the series, trying to make sense of how all the characters are behaving. I’m taking this series very seriously because my heart hurts when I watch it. But in a good way.

If you haven’t watched the series or the current season (2), there are lots of spoilers after this para.Read More »

Spooked

See the Urban Dictionary definition of ‘ghosting’ (below). 

However, it doesn’t only apply in the context of dating, as I’ve recently found out. 

What a variety of bastards there are. 

In the post Siaran Tergendala Sebentar I wrote about meeting the Neighsayer whom I described as a ‘nice, unsleazy guy’. Well, he turned out to be a cowardly, immature fuckwit who lied for the sake of lying. Let this be a lesson to me to trust less, or less quickly and readily at any rate. 

Ghosting
The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject’s maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.

Carmen: How was your second date with Kyle? 

Beth: I thought it went well, but I’ve texted him a couple of times since then and he’s been ghosting me. 

Carmen: What? I thought he was more mature than that.

From http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ghosting

I’m not sure whom I’m more disappointed in: the bastard whom I thought was a friend; or me, for being fooled into believing in their sincerity. 

I think I’m naive. I tend to take people at face value which is dumb, really. Why did I believe that someone would regard me as family after a week of text messages and one dinner?

And why would someone say that to anyone? Why keep insisting they regard you as a friend and then freeze you out?

Am I that desperate for company that I’ll believe anything I’m told for some minutes of conversation?

F is for Fail

Why do I feel guilty for needing support and wanting someone to talk to?

‘They don’t owe me anything.’

This plays on a loop in my head.

However, the flipside to that thought is …

I should not have expected anything from them.

Or …

I expected too much from them.

True of false?

A dear person who is, unfortunately, thousands of miles away, said to me last night that I should not feel ashamed for wanting/needing a friend. I agree and yet, I am writing this post, trying to work out why I feel like garbage for putting an end to a friendship I feel hasn’t been working, and that hasn’t been fair to me.

What’s the point of any ‘friendship’ that involves one party sitting around waiting to be tossed scraps of time by the other person?

It’s not about expecting/needing ‘too much’; it’s about feeling that thought and care and consideration have been in short supply in the first place.