Spooked

See the Urban Dictionary definition of ‘ghosting’ (below). 

However, it doesn’t only apply in the context of dating, as I’ve recently found out. 

What a variety of bastards there are. 

In the post Siaran Tergendala Sebentar I wrote about meeting the Neighsayer whom I described as a ‘nice, unsleazy guy’. Well, he turned out to be a cowardly, immature fuckwit who lied for the sake of lying. Let this be a lesson to me to trust less, or less quickly and readily at any rate. 

Ghosting
The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject’s maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.

Carmen: How was your second date with Kyle? 

Beth: I thought it went well, but I’ve texted him a couple of times since then and he’s been ghosting me. 

Carmen: What? I thought he was more mature than that.

From http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ghosting

I’m not sure whom I’m more disappointed in: the bastard whom I thought was a friend; or me, for being fooled into believing in their sincerity. 

I think I’m naive. I tend to take people at face value which is dumb, really. Why did I believe that someone would regard me as family after a week of text messages and one dinner?

And why would someone say that to anyone? Why keep insisting they regard you as a friend and then freeze you out?

Am I that desperate for company that I’ll believe anything I’m told for some minutes of conversation?

F is for Fail

Why do I feel guilty for needing support and wanting someone to talk to?

‘They don’t owe me anything.’

This plays on a loop in my head.

However, the flipside to that thought is …

I should not have expected anything from them.

Or …

I expected too much from them.

True of false?

A dear person who is, unfortunately, thousands of miles away, said to me last night that I should not feel ashamed for wanting/needing a friend. I agree and yet, I am writing this post, trying to work out why I feel like garbage for putting an end to a friendship I feel hasn’t been working, and that hasn’t been fair to me.

What’s the point of any ‘friendship’ that involves one party sitting around waiting to be tossed scraps of time by the other person?

It’s not about expecting/needing ‘too much’; it’s about feeling that thought and care and consideration have been in short supply in the first place.

 

 

 

 

Don’t

  • Do not have sex with your friends. No matter how lonely you feel.
  • Do not think someone is your friend just because they say they are.
  • Do not allow yourself to feel comforted if a man texts you often and is keen on meeting you. (Chances are you haven’t slept with him and are still a novelty.)
  • Do not be surprised if a man stops texting and wanting to meet after he’s slept with you.
  • Do not be impressed if a man continues to text you after he’s slept with you. Especially if he texts less than he used to before the sex.
  • Do not expect any man with whom you’re having casual sex to take you seriously when you say you are busy because of family and work commitments.
  • Do not choose to give someone you’ve known for ‘five minutes’ the benefit of doubt. There is a 99.99% chance that you will be disappointed.
  • Do not assume that you will know these things just because you’re over forty and a mother.

 

Gah!

I will never forget how people I’ve only known online (and some of them for not very long) have been so lovely, especially during my recent plunge into total despair.

Then there are family members who’ve not been able to spare a single kind word. Even with me telling them exactly what’s wrong and asking for help.

I once had to attend this workshop run by a self-help coach and he said that the good thing about being in trouble is that it forces you to ask for help. Apparently, asking for help (which we tend to find hard) leads to you realising how awesome people are – cos they will all rush to try to assist you. Yeah, people, but not family members. One family member has tried to help me and she’s the one who is really not in the position to do so. That seems to be quite a common thing – the ones who can be of assistance don’t want to know, but the ones who are struggling try their best. Gah!

Should I not judge? I don’t care. I’m going to totally do so, cos, honestly, I’m disappointed. So disappointed.