When my ex husband left me for another woman, he was quick to inform me that she was ten years younger (and infinitely more supple) than I was.
Ten years later, they have finally gone their separate ways. She is still ten years younger than me, but she is now forty and I wonder if she regrets the decisions she made in getting involved with a married man who made no move to divorce his wife (I was the one who pushed for divorce and he resisted to the bitter end), and who, it appears, never intended to marry her.
In the early days of their relationship, they did talk about marriage and children. It’s of course entirely possible that she changed her mind. In my opinion, she would have seen his true colours and thought better of getting legally joined to a verbally (at times physically) abusive and emotionally manipulative man. If she has no intention of getting married (to him or anyone) then that’s fine. I just hope that if she has arrived at that conclusion, it’s not because he treated her badly.
There was a time when I hated her deeply. I no longer have any strong feelings towards her. Too many years have passed and too much has happened for me to remain angry and resentful.
Make this night loveable,
Moon, and with eye single
Looking down from up there,
Bless me, One especial
And friends everywhere.
With a cloudless brightness
Surround our absences;
Innocent be our sleeps,
Watched by great still spaces,
White hills, glittering deeps.
Parted by circumstance,
Grant each your indulgence
That we may meet in dreams
For talk, for dalliance,
By warm hearths, by cool streams.
Shine lest tonight any,
In the dark suddenly,
Wake alone in a bed
To hear his own fury
Wishing his love where dead.
~ W.H. Auden (1907-1973)
There is another poem by Auden, also called Nocturne, which I love less. I suppose I find it less relateable – oh, yes, I often wake alone in the dark, shaking my fist at loves present and past.
I quite enjoy some episodes of Bfm’s Night School podcasts, but I wish they had more female guests and featured more female thinkers and feminist theories.
Still, I often find the hosts’ discussions and views both informative and entertaining, especially as I am not well versed in philosophy and social theory. In style and tone, however, I am reminded of my ex husband and other males holding forth on topics they (believe) they have a better grasp of than I do.
I like that there is now a word to describe what these clowns love to do.
I’ve been receiving friend requests on Skype and Facebook from ugly white men whom I am pretty sure are African dudes attempting to pull a 419 scam on me.
In fact, I responded to one of them in Nigerian pidgin, whereupon he started laughing and asked me to add him (the real him) on Facebook. He was a Nigerian lad (by the name of Oluwa), operating from Accra (Ghana) and he said he would tell me why he’s trying his hand at scamming women but ‘not yet’. Read More »
Facebook’s ‘Memories’ feature coughed up this post today.
I posted it exactly three years ago: 25th October 2013. That bit when I say I don’t know what to expect: Indeed. Who would have thought that I’d be planning a whole different life three years down the road. Life is truly an adventure, sorry if that sounds like such a cliche.Read More »