Having It All or Doing It All?

Today I was introduced to a blogger (Emma) who draws her thoughts about social issues. The blog post that I read is called You Should Have Asked and explains why women tend to end up doing everything at home.

(Hmm, even as I typed the last sentence I found myself wondering, guiltily, if it’s actually all my fault that I don’t get any help at home. That is another story though.)

Right now my ex-husband has moved back into my flat, with me and our children (a long story that I won’t go into right now) and does next to nothing to help with the chores. I badly want to tell him to get out, but I admit I’m afraid that things might get ugly if I do. Still, I know I am going to have to tell him that sharing a space just isn’t going to work.

Anyway, I read Emma’s comic and almost every frame made me want to cry because it was such a relief to know that it wasn’t all just me being a total failure at managing and being assertive and all the rest.

emma3
From ‘You Should’ve Asked’.

Why do I even need to ask?Read More »

Heart Strings Like a Symphony

It was only when I found out that ex-husband was in love with someone else that I realised that it had been years since I’d felt anything but platonic affection for him. I guess I was too caught up with the kids, and my job, and also my depression.

I was devastated when my marriage ended, but not because I felt I was losing the great love of my life. It was because of the way things unravelled. Things got ugly and everyone behaved badly. So badly.

Who would have predicted it? Things happen. People change. Love (whether we’re falling into or out of it) makes fools and monsters out of most of us.

If only someone would warn us, but then, if they did, would we believe them?

Read More »

The Other Woman

When my ex husband left me for another woman, he was quick to inform me that she was ten years younger (and infinitely more supple) than I was.

eyeroll

Ten years later, they have finally gone their separate ways. She is still ten years younger than me, but she is now forty and I wonder if she regrets the decisions she made in getting involved with a married man who made no move to divorce his wife (I was the one who pushed for divorce and he resisted to the bitter end), and who, it appears, never intended to marry her.

In the early days of their relationship, they did talk about marriage and children. It’s of course entirely possible that she changed her mind. In my opinion, she would have seen his true colours and thought better of getting legally joined to a verbally (at times physically) abusive and emotionally manipulative man. If she has no intention of getting married (to him or anyone) then that’s fine. I just hope that if she has arrived at that conclusion, it’s not because he treated her badly.

There was a time when I hated her deeply. I no longer have any strong feelings towards her. Too many years have passed and too much has happened for me to remain angry and resentful.

 

Nocturne by W.H. Auden

Nocturne

Make this night loveable,
Moon, and with eye single
Looking down from up there,
Bless me, One especial
And friends everywhere.

With a cloudless brightness
Surround our absences;
Innocent be our sleeps,
Watched by great still spaces,
White hills, glittering deeps.

Parted by circumstance,
Grant each your indulgence
That we may meet in dreams
For talk, for dalliance,
By warm hearths, by cool streams.

Shine lest tonight any,
In the dark suddenly,
Wake alone in a bed
To hear his own fury
Wishing his love where dead.

~ W.H. Auden (1907-1973)

There is another poem by Auden, also called Nocturne, which I love less. I suppose I find it less relateable – oh, yes, I often wake alone in the dark, shaking my fist at loves present and past.

 

The Mansplain Podcast

I quite enjoy some episodes of Bfm’s Night School podcasts, but I wish they had more female guests and featured more female thinkers and feminist theories.

Still, I often find the hosts’ discussions and views both informative and entertaining, especially as I am not well versed in philosophy and social theory. In style and tone, however, I am reminded of my ex husband and other males holding forth on topics they (believe) they have a better grasp of than I do.

I like that there is now a word to describe what these clowns love to do.