burn all the photos

I’m wondering why some women might be treated really badly by a man, yet still keep their pictures on their social media sites.

Possible reasons:

1. There’ve been so many guys – who can keep track!
2. She hates him but it was the best sex she’s ever had so … ‘Memories’.
3. She’s  moved on and still thinks that ‘deep down’ he’s a good guy.
4. Instagram is her version of a ‘little black book’.

So, back in 2013, I was seeing this Egyptian guy, called Fouad Alaa, who turned out to be a total scumbag and dickhead sociopath. For most of the time we were supposedly together, he was actually also seeing this other woman based in Kuching, Sarawak – I’ll call her Josie. Apparently, Josie was the love of his life, but he still treated her like a piece of turd. He was a lot nicer to her than he was to me, but also a whole lot shittier, and the shitty stuff, in my opinion, cancels out the good stuff several times over.

Anyway, Josie and I have been Facebook friends for about two years now. We met once, right after she broke up with him because I guess she needed to talk to me to achieve closure. I actually think she’s moved on, but of course this is just going by her Facebook and Instagram posts. I mean, who’d know, judging by my posts on social media, that I’m still really, REALLY angry about what happened with Scumface.

I’m over him, but not over the things he did. For example, I’d got him and his best friend tickets for the Metallica concert in KL, but he took Josie, and lied to me about it. The pics of them at the stadium are on Instagram and they made me so angry. I mean, WTF! I’m trying my best to figure it out – like, OK, maybe, she thinks, ‘He was a bastard, but we had good times, and I want to remember those good times’ – OK, fair enough, and Josie seems like the kind of positive and kind person who’d think that way, but … BUT….

For example, I still have pics of many of my exes even though there was some fuckery involved, but in those cases, as in most normal relationships, the fuckery was two sided. If things broke down, if people were mean and there was lots of shouting and tears and bitterness, it was pretty much because we had grown apart, or were just selfish or mean in an ordinary, run-off-the-mill kind of way. There was never pre-conceived, planned fuckery like in the case of Fouad Scumface.

Once the dust had settled, those relationships were still good for memories and experiences. I can shudder and think ‘That was a lucky escape when I think of Ex Boyfriend No. 2, but I can also say he had a brilliant sense of humour and we had some brilliant fun.

But Fouad the Scumface was such a manipulative bag of vile, stinking, rotting shit that even the best times we had, now reek of lies and deception. Why would I want to remember anything I ever did with him? With it? All the ‘good’ times we had, all the ‘good’ times Josie experienced with him, they were at someone else’s  expense – she was fooled, I was fooled, goodness knows who else was fooled. How then could those times possibly count?

Now, if you’re wondering how I know those pics are on Instagram, well, isn’t it obvious? I looked for them. Yeah, so I went looking for trouble, but I’m not going to beat myself up about it. More than two years have passed since the bastard happened, and I’m still processing the experience, I’m still mad as hell  – not all the time, but every few months, I seethe for a bit and then get back to normal.

When I’m mad I send him a text message, cursing him and his family. It doesn’t matter whether or not he receives the messages (surely he’s blocked my number by now) – it helps just to damn him to hell, wish him pain, disease and loneliness.

But yeah, I still want to know why a woman would keep pics of an ex who treated her badly. I don’t think any of the possible reasons listed at the top of this post apply to Josie, but who knows. Maybe I should ask her.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s